Monday, March 05, 2007

Speaking of...

This carries over from the comments on my last post -

In Romans Paul says- "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -this I keep on doing... So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me." (7:18-21)

Couldn't you just kill yourself when you realize how not perfect you are? Here I am working hard at my goal to be cheerful and have a good attitude (especially in the am), and I lose my temper at six in the morning with a sick three-year-old who can't breathe right. There's really no excuse. The poor baby is crying because he can't catch his breath and his mama is anything but loving and patient. She's focusing on keeping him quiet so he doesn't wake his brother.

It really makes me cringe to think about it. There are several very good reasons I could give, and if not feeling completely absolved afterwards, I would at least gain some sympathy - but I am not justified in my actions.

What's a mama to do? I really want to be Christlike. I really want to have the right attitude ALL the time. The verse at the beginning of this post nails it, though; "...what I do is not the good I want to do..."

The passage in Romans ends by saying that God will rescue me from this body of death [the law of sin], through Jesus Christ our Lord. v.24-35. So I will rest on that. Someday I will be free of this battle between sin and good. Right now I have to put my hope in Christ and not give up.


Anonymous said...

I read all of your posts - many times over. I thought I might finally write my own note to let you know that I am very proud of you. Before I even met you I used to tell my friends that I wanted a great mother for my kids (to be) more than a great wife for myself - I am blessed beyond belief because I have both.
With ALL of my heart,
your husband,

christy said...

oh christy. you just described my struggle so many times, and especially when it's early. i feel like i am coping and then One More Thing happens, and then all i can think about is damage control (don't wake your brother!) because i feel like there's not room for any more One More Things. (good to know you are human too...:)

it is good to remind yourself like you have that doing good (in this case, being cheerful) is not possible all on your own strength, and to know (really know) that being perfect is not what God calls us to in this life. he calls us to rely on Him, and to grow more like Him, but perfection is not really an option.

what a good mama you are--i know it, your kids know it, your husband knows it. (that charlie--so sweet!) maybe give yourself a little grace too, in this time when you are exhausted...

be_a_Mary said...

Well Christy, I completely relate with and understand what you write. i find that one day i might control my anger, but i am lazy. another day, i'm proactive and hard-working, but my attitude stinks. another day i'm a compassionate mommy with resentment toward her hubby.

Curtis said it best: "Parenthood is playing an important role in our path toward redemption." You know, we see how human we are, and we realize how much more we need Jesus (beyond the "God, give me strength to be up in the middle of the night for the 10th night in the row!") I do feel this mommihood is making me a better person, because I am clinging to the Savior more for wisdom, energy, strength, patience, etc. And it sounds like you are too.

btw, i think we all can relate to being 'jumpy' at one kid out of wanting to 'protect' another. this morning Z accidentally swung open the door right into R's face. I got so mad at him. He's three. He didn't mean it. He didn't know she was behind the door. But I still scolded and barked. I couldn't stand myself and went upstairs alone for a 2 minute 'reboot.' We all falter, and we try again. So glad we can receive grace from the Lord so we can teach it to our munchkins.

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