Monday, June 26, 2006

U of M

University of Mom: including, but not limited to, these classes. Starting at the beginning.

Meconium 101: Removing tar-like substances from a screaming newborn whilst suffering from post-partum hormones.
Epesiotomies: How to spell it, and how to hold it together while looking for a seat in new environs (pre-reqs: childbirth and nursing)
Nighttime Habits: Your child will not sleep through the night until he/she is at least nine months old, no matter how many books you read. Deal with it.
Nighttime Habits II: Nightmares and your toddler. You will be as freaked out as your child at 3 am, just try not to show him that when you're looking in his closet, you are half-expecting a monster to jump out. (Don't forget to double-check all locks.)
Birthday Treats: How all the other moms learned to make those cool theme cakes with frosting.
Water Fears: Getting your toddler to agree to look at the water, but not necessarily touch, smell, or otherwise become involved with it.
Potty Training 101: Whatever works, man. If you can get your kid to go on the toilet, good for you. There is no limit to bribery.
Child Care and Children: How to alleviate fear in your toddler about staying in the gym or church child-care for an hour. See previous comment on bribery.

So, I could use a few classes. And my oldest is only 2 1/2! I can't imagine what else lies in store. I wish I was better prepared sometimes. Thankfully my husband has six younger brothers and sisters and several neices and nephews. He has helped me through most of these dilemnas. It's a good thing there are two parents.


mom said...

Hi Sweetie, You got my morning off to a good start...with a laugh! They can teach certain things, but you quickly find it all goes by the wayside when your under pressure. Just remember...the hand that rocks the cradle rules the nation!!!

annecourager said...

I can answer the "cool cake" go to Michael's, take a Wilton class or two, then let your son design his own birthday cake--voila! Easy as pie! no, cake!

I failed potty training with my oldest. I tried making a BIG DEAL out of it. I tried IGNORING it. I bribed him, cooed, cajoled, everything. He was still pooping his pants... until the day before his 4th birthday. I lost my temper completely (I had JUST had him sit on the john not 5 min before, and THEN he filled his pants)---and I told him from here on out, buddy, every time you poop your pants, I'm spanking your bottom.

...and he never did it again.

This method is never mentioned in any of those "how to be a good mom" books!

2boysmama said...

This is hilarious, I love the "your child won't sleep through the night till 9 months, deal with it!" so true! I was depressed with my oldest because "the books" said if you do this, this and that, then they will sleep through the night by 6-8 weeks! HA! I even love the well-meaning people at church (which the book worked for and their child slept through the night by 6 weeks) who tell me THEY prayed over their child and that helped too. Like I don't pray for my child.... (off of soapbox)

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